Mediating for a living is interesting, that’s for sure.

If I had a nickle for every time I hear “you must have some great stories to tell”, I’d be rich. Richer still if I got paid every time someone shuddered at the prospect of working with conflict for a living.

But it isn’t like that. It’s interesting because it’s real life, it’s recognizable. If I couldn’t put myself in the shoes of my clients (while remembering that I’m not actually them), I wouldn’t be much of a mediator. If my clients lives were viewed as something that only happens to someone else, or if their conflict were viewed as something that happens directly to me, I would have nothing to offer them. It’s an interesting exercise in compassionate detachment, or empathetic objectivity (or empathic objectivity if you are of a more mature vintage – which my spell-checker clearly isn’t).

It’s interesting because no two couples are the same, yet the challenges, triumphs, and tragedies are the ones we all face in our lives, sooner or later, in one form or another.

Divorce may not be a part of your future (or your past), but change is. Loss is. Grief is and so is Hope. Hope for a better future, hope for the possibility of Joy. Each and every one of the people I’ve known have wanted to be happier and are doing their best to make that possible, whether they’re grieving the loss of their marriage, initiating a transition that upends everything they’ve ever known, or trying to keep their family whole despite a separation or divorce. We’re all doing our best. That’s the one thing we seem to have in common.

And yes, there are some great stories along the way – and the best are stories of resilience, courage, and enormous integrity under extreme pressure.